L 1

“Well," said Art, "I was thinking, wondering, and hoping I could talk you into changing into one of my new undershirts, just from one rest area to the next”. Ida was quiet for a while, thinking. She had been a little cranky with Art lately, but this seemed too much to ask. “Can I think about it” she asked.“Of course” said Art, glad that she would even consider it. As Ida thought about wearing that undershirt in public, she could feel herself becoming flushed. She realized that the very idea was arousing to her. But could she possibly overcome her natural shyness, to be so overtly sexual in public? No, she told herself, that’s not fair. Not sexual, but more revealing than she had ever been. Her breasts would be clearly outlined, her nipples would likely be erect and prominent and her pubic hair might be seen through the thin fabric.As if he were reading her mind, Art said “Look, it would just mean walking from the restroom to the car, and then from the car to the restroom at the next. She’d never been taught that “colored people” were dirty or anything. But they’d kept her separate from them, and that shaped her thinking more than she wanted to admit.And so it wasn’t too troubling when she realized that her husband carried a hidden but more virulent variety of prejudice. He had a very real animus toward all sorts of non-white ethnicities, but black people were the ones he hated the most. Still, he didn’t talk about it much because they had little reason to in their suburban false paradise. They almost never encountered any, so it was easy for her to overlook the occaisian “N” bomb when he’d drop it.As she drifted off to sleep that night she lay on her mattress on the floor of her bedroom and wondered what her ex-husband would have to say about a black man helping her unpack the next day. She was pretty sure he’d hate it, which she liked. She was also pretty sure she didn’t know how she felt about it yet. She didn’t like that.Without any curtains yet on her.
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